John Bradshaw

We cannot heal what we cannot feel.

— John Bradshaw

Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.

— John Bradshaw

We move from the illusion of certainty, to the certainty of illusion

— John Bradshaw

“Crying when feeling angry is a common female feeling racket.”

— John Bradshaw

Most people who have survived abuse have great strength.

— John Bradshaw

I have never met an aggressive person who wasn’t a fearful person.

— John Bradshaw

Virtue is an inner strength. It expands your nature.

— John Bradshaw

Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love.

— John Bradshaw

“The shared secret and the shared denial are the most horrible aspects of incest.”

— John Bradshaw

Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.

— John Bradshaw

“Giving and receiving unconditional love is the most effective and powerful way to personal wholeness and happiness.”

— John Bradshaw

Growing up means leaving home and becoming a self supporting adult. I think this the hardest task any human being hast to…

— John Bradshaw

I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel…

— John Bradshaw

“Once an emotion is toxically shame bound, one feels numb. The emotional avoidance is sealed by learning to avoid the avoidance.”

— John Bradshaw

I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

— John Bradshaw

Healthy shame is an emotion that teaches us about our limits. Like all emotions, shame moves us to get our basic needs…

— John Bradshaw

“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age…

— John Bradshaw

It's essential to tell the truth at all times. This will reduce life's pain. Lying distorts reality. All forms of distorted thinking…

— John Bradshaw

Children are curious and are risk takers. They have lots of courage. They venture out into a world that is immense and…

— John Bradshaw

The unlimited power that many modern gurus offer is false hope. Their programs calling us to unlimited power have made them rich,…

— John Bradshaw

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now. When we are present, we are not fabricating…

— John Bradshaw

Our beliefs create the kind of world we believe in. We project our feelings, thoughts and attitudes onto the world. I can…

— John Bradshaw

Guilt says I've done something wrong; ... shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; ...…

— John Bradshaw

In a sense, all of my books have been about a 'poisonous pedagogy,' which engenders a culture of obedience, this underlying theme…

— John Bradshaw

“The job of parents is to model. Modeling includes how to be a man or woman; how to relate intimately to another…

— John Bradshaw

Our sadness is an energy we discharge in order to heal. …Sadness is painful. We try to avoid it. Actually discharging sadness…

— John Bradshaw

“SHAME—THE MASTER EMOTION Shame has been called the master emotion because as it is internalized-all the other emotions are bound by shame.…

— John Bradshaw

“Crushing the toddler’s autonomy and purposeful will is the most damaging form of shaming that can be done. When autonomy is crushed,…

— John Bradshaw

“Pocaterra looked at blushing as the external sign of shame and believed that blushing was both the recognition of having made a…

— John Bradshaw

“The poisonous pedagogy justifies highly abusive methods for suppressing children’s vital spontaneity: physical beatings, lying, duplicity, manipulation, scare tactics, withdrawal of love,…

— John Bradshaw

“Toxic shame results from the unexpected exposure of vulnerable aspects of a child’s self. This exposure takes place before the child has…

— John Bradshaw

“The feeling of shame has the same demonic potential to encompass our whole personality. Instead of the momentary feeling of being limited,…

— John Bradshaw

“The major problem in our lives is to decide and clarify our responsibilities. To truly be committed to a life of honesty,…

— John Bradshaw

“When children have shame-based parents, they identify with them. This is the first step in the child’s internalizing shame because the children…

— John Bradshaw

“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to…

— John Bradshaw

“INTERCONNECTION OF IMAGERY Another way that internalization occurs is by internalizing images. These internal images can be of a shaming person, place…

— John Bradshaw

“EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT AND NARCISSISTIC DEPRIVATION Children need mirroring and echoing. These come from their primary caregiver’s eyes. Mirroring means that someone is…

— John Bradshaw

“Perhaps the greatest wound a shame-based person carries is the inability to be intimate in a relationship. This inability flows directly out…

— John Bradshaw

“Since the earliest period of our life was preverbal, everything depended on emotional interaction. Without someone to reflect our emotions, we had…

— John Bradshaw

“When parents are shame-based and needy, they are unable to take over the mirroring narcissistic function for the child. Furthermore, the fact…

— John Bradshaw