I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery. — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Children are natural Zen masters; their world is brand new in each and every moment. — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
As a child I was not allowed to express my feelings, so I had to go back through therapy and express the… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love. — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Children are curious and are risk takers. They have lots of courage. They venture out into a world that is immense and… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“It is very common for one or both parents in a dysfunctional marriage to bond inappropriately with one of their children. The… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When two-year-olds are thwarted (like every three minutes), they have intense anger and temper tantrums. At this stage the child needs to… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
In my family, as in all dysfunctional families, instead of parents who act as strong and nurturing role models for their children,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“One is free from depression,” writes Alice Miller in The Drama of the Gifted Child, “when self-esteem is based on the authenticity… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Children need parents who model self-discipline rather than preach it. They learn from what their parents are actually willing to do; not… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“With the child already shame-based, the feeling of discouragement takes over the whole personality. As the shame-based child forms her primitive conscience,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“SHAME—THE MASTER EMOTION Shame has been called the master emotion because as it is internalized-all the other emotions are bound by shame.… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Crushing the toddler’s autonomy and purposeful will is the most damaging form of shaming that can be done. When autonomy is crushed,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“The poisonous pedagogy justifies highly abusive methods for suppressing children’s vital spontaneity: physical beatings, lying, duplicity, manipulation, scare tactics, withdrawal of love,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Toxic shame results from the unexpected exposure of vulnerable aspects of a child’s self. This exposure takes place before the child has… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“NEED SHAME BINDS When these needs are neglected, children are given the message that their needs are not important, and they lose… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“A very young child cannot understand that his dad is a sick alcoholic. Children are limited in logical ability. Their earliest way… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“According to Pia Mellody, when “one parent has a relationship with the child that is more important than the relationship he or… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“To develop strong ego boundaries, children need parents with strong boundaries. No shame-based parent has these. Toxic shame greatly damages our boundaries.… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When children have shame-based parents, they identify with them. This is the first step in the child’s internalizing shame because the children… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT AND NARCISSISTIC DEPRIVATION Children need mirroring and echoing. These come from their primary caregiver’s eyes. Mirroring means that someone is… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Alice Miller has summed up these rules under the title “Poisonous Pedagogy” in her book For Your Own Good. These rules state:… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Children have an amazing ability to perceive this need in the parent(s). The true self of the child seems to know it… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“3. The child is allowed to experience and express ordinary impulses, such as jealousy, rage, sexuality and defiance, because the parents have… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When parents are shame-based and needy, they are unable to take over the mirroring narcissistic function for the child. Furthermore, the fact… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When our e-motions are not mirrored and named, we lose contact with one of our vital human powers. Parents who are out… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“During school age, the bright, shame-based child will attempt to develop inhuman ego defenses or defending scripts, such as perfectionism, blaming, criticizing,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“The fantasy bond is an illusion of connectedness that the child creates in relation to the primary caregiver, who is shaming her.… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“A child can only experience his feelings when there is someone there who fully accepts them, names them and supports them. Another… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Being abandoned through the neglect of our developmental dependency needs is the major factor in becoming an adult child. We grow up;… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Anger is considered especially bad. Anger is one of the seven deadly sins. These sins send you to hell. In its most… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Emotions are a form of energy in motion. They signal us of a loss, a threat or a satiation. Sadness is about… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore. — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.” — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
