[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine." — Jen Kirkman Congress Copy Share Image
Everyone traveling alone is just on their phones the whole time. — Jen Kirkman Phones Copy Share Image
I'd love to be a hit in Germany. I'm working on trying to get a gig as David Hasselhoff's opening act. — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I don't have anything to do all year. I'm not on tour until September. — Jen Kirkman September Copy Share Image
A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested; it's me. — Jen Kirkman Funny Copy Share Image
I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old. — Jen Kirkman Funny Copy Share Image
I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away… — Jen Kirkman Extended family Copy Share Image
Not everyone is there to get an abortion. Your body is like a car that has needs and women's bodies constantly need… — Jen Kirkman Abortion Copy Share Image
“tantrum. I don’t want to have a baby but sometimes I want to be a baby because it’s socially acceptable for them… — Jen Kirkman Tantrum Copy Share Image
I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of… — Jen Kirkman Acting Copy Share Image
I put my filter on, though, and I only see things people I follow [on Twitter] write now. So, I don't even… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and… — Jen Kirkman Care Copy Share Image
I think people with anxiety do different things during different years, and for me, I waded through my anxiety during the last… — Jen Kirkman Anxiety Copy Share Image
You never know anymore if you'll see something you don't want to see, if you're jealous of something, if you're going through… — Jen Kirkman Breakup Copy Share Image
There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up,… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I had no idea that marriage was only supposed to be between two people who wanted to get between the sheets and… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
My nana was always a widow as long as I was alive; my grandfather died before I was born. All the women… — Jen Kirkman Alive Copy Share Image
In terms of what happened to Amy [Schumer], if that happened to me I would be like, "Yes, please leave." But I… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
“remember asking my mom when I was little if I could go live at this place in Boston called “The Home for… — Jen Kirkman Orphans Copy Share Image
I'm really ambitious about is being a really good comic and doing it for the rest of my life and getting really… — Jen Kirkman Ambitious Copy Share Image
Don't make being a girl or a victim part of your stand-up act. If you encounter sexism in the business, don't bring… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I think I say things nicely and my whole goal is to be understood and that includes by people who don't understand… — Jen Kirkman Goal Copy Share Image
“One night Eli couldn’t sleep. He was talking as if he’d been reading a Nietzsche pop-up book. Right before I was about… — Jen Kirkman God Copy Share Image
We have to get women's stories out there so a guy will read it, laugh, and think, 'I'm not laughing at a… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I don't do jokes about elections so that's probably why it went okay for me, except for the crazy people that are… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
“... I think that childfree by choice is the new gay. We're the new disenfranchised group. People think we're irresponsible, immoral sluts… — Jen Kirkman Childfree Copy Share Image
I stay on [Twitter] as Jen Kirkman, a person. It's just a way for me to connect with what I know and… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
That's the same thing that is making me like George W. Bush. "He was nice. I know he was nice. He didn't… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I'm tired of explaining to Hollywood that people would laugh at me, because I go around America making them laugh every week.… — Jen Kirkman America Copy Share Image
“My mom’s philosophy was: “God is busy. He doesn’t need to hear that you’re thankful for every shit and fart.” I always… — Jen Kirkman Philosophy Copy Share Image
You teach someone about fallopian tubes in grade school, and you revisit it again in seventh grade for a better understanding of… — Jen Kirkman Education Copy Share Image
I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure… — Jen Kirkman Exposure Copy Share Image
I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I… — Jen Kirkman Divorce Copy Share Image
I mean, I can't say that I've had many deep thoughts because I traveled alone, but it's good to be with myself… — Jen Kirkman Deep thought Copy Share Image
I'd also talk about the period and of course all the different gender things that people might feel that they are. I'd… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
![“[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine."” quote by Jen Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/736/jen-kirkman-2547_congress_congress-can-just-make-mitt-romney-presi_1648674.jpg)
![“I put my filter on, though, and I only see things people I follow [on Twitter] write now. So, I don't even know anymore [ trolls].” quote by Jen Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/03c/jen-kirkman-2547_filters_i-put-my-filter-on-though-and-i-only-see_931974.jpg)
![“You never know anymore if you'll see something you don't want to see, if you're jealous of something, if you're going through a breakup and you see something, so I just don't even look at those things any more [ in Instagram].” quote by Jen Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/924/jen-kirkman-2547_breakup_you-never-know-anymore-if-you-ll-see-som_1856311.jpg)
![“In terms of what happened to Amy [Schumer], if that happened to me I would be like, "Yes, please leave." But I toured a lot. I started as an opening feature act touring a lot during the [George W.] Bush years, like around 2007. I was touring during the [Barack] Obama election - the first one with…” quote by Jen Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/23e/jen-kirkman-2547_amy_in-terms-of-what-happened-to-amy-schumer_2661204.jpg)
![“I stay on [Twitter] as Jen Kirkman, a person. It's just a way for me to connect with what I know and read everything and catch all areas.” quote by Jen Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/7f8/jen-kirkman-2547_areas_i-stay-on-twitter-as-jen-kirkman-a-perso_2697761.jpg)
