Eddie Izzard

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

— Eddie Izzard

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.

— Eddie Izzard

All humans can do more than they think they can do. So I think we can all actually be more superhuman than…

— Eddie Izzard

Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.

— Eddie Izzard

I don't believe in God. So I'm a non-believer in the non-visible. I'm a believer in us; in humans.

— Eddie Izzard

“what you do to add to the human existence—that is what matters”

— Eddie Izzard

Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!

— Eddie Izzard

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

— Eddie Izzard

Racist people, interestingly, are never as polite as smokers. Have you noticed that? Smokers always go, "Do you mind if I smoke?…

— Eddie Izzard

There's a thing about trying too hard, which I think is in all forms, which is if you really try to do…

— Eddie Izzard

People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour -…

— Eddie Izzard

In the UK a lot of people don't like to try. There's a different cultural thing. Here [in USA] if you try…

— Eddie Izzard

Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until…

— Eddie Izzard

“But stinging nettles: They just love existing, don't they? They're bastards. Stinging nettles are the Nazis of the weed world.”

— Eddie Izzard

Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I…

— Eddie Izzard

Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of…

— Eddie Izzard

We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India…

— Eddie Izzard

But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog…

— Eddie Izzard

“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight's quest to create ground for…

— Eddie Izzard

“It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized you could buy a packet of cereal with a free gift and…

— Eddie Izzard

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be…

— Eddie Izzard

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that…

— Eddie Izzard

It's a historical thing, up to the 19th century the English hated the French. Then in the 20th century the English started…

— Eddie Izzard

Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay…

— Eddie Izzard

They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.

— Eddie Izzard

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

— Eddie Izzard

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

— Eddie Izzard

What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?

— Eddie Izzard

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

— Eddie Izzard

The Pope is guarded by the Swiss guard who stand proudly in pajamas and silly hats.

— Eddie Izzard

“I realized that belief is a key ingredient in trying to do things that are difficult.”

— Eddie Izzard

I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.

— Eddie Izzard

If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that.…

— Eddie Izzard

I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to…

— Eddie Izzard

How to survive boarding school. Do not express emotion, do not feel emotion, do not have emotion. If someone hits you, hit…

— Eddie Izzard

It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance. And thats why most of the Renaissance…

— Eddie Izzard

Everyone gets cards at the beginning of life. I am transgender, I decided to be honest and tell everyone about it, and…

— Eddie Izzard

The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be…

— Eddie Izzard

They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and…

— Eddie Izzard

I am someone who's very positive about business, as a social Democrat. I do like the safety net of the welfare system…

— Eddie Izzard