“Fred nodded and said, “So what you’re saying is, if we all die, that’s not even the worst-case scenario.” John replied, “I’d… — David Wong Humor Copy Share Image
“—Kill me and burn my body. Then burn this place down on top of me. Find the other doors if there are… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.”… — David Wong Horror Copy Share Image
“The floor was littered with paper cups and candy wrappers and cigarette butts and other teenager droppings. I saw a used condom… — David Wong Littered Copy Share Image
“Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil. It was "Here I… — David Wong Human heart Copy Share Image
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Franky the Cop let me lead the way outside to the shed, staying a few steps back so that he could have… — David Wong Copy Share Image
Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I reached out and, with a small move of my body, did something that would change my life forever. I gently moved… — David Wong Life Copy Share Image
“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into… — David Wong Investing Copy Share Image
War is about remaking the world to suit the whims of some powerful group over the whims of some other powerful group.… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would… — David Wong Humor Copy Share Image
“A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with… — David Wong Earth Copy Share Image
“I call it Dante’s Syndrome,” John said. I had never heard him call it any such thing. “Meaning I think Dave and… — David Wong Dante Copy Share Image
He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I remember now. Calling you. It’s hard, everything’s running together. I called and called and called. Like a shotgun, firing in every… — David Wong Running together Copy Share Image
“Imagine fifty thousand men trapped on a desert island, deprived of food and water and sex but somehow kept alive for fifty… — David Wong Cannibalism Copy Share Image
I fear that our loss of a sense of connection with, and duties to, each other leaves us unable to effectively address… — David Wong American society Copy Share Image
The demonization of Islam and immigrants shows that perception of difference remains one of our biggest problems, and maybe always will be… — David Wong Competing Copy Share Image
“Amy hated--hated--the way the grown-ups her parents had surrounded themselves with were so quick to offer prayers and so low to actually… — David Wong Dirty words Copy Share Image
Learning what it is to be among other human beings includes learning that they can be different from us as well as… — David Wong Analogies Copy Share Image
“Amy ran on sugar, caffeine, and pain pills, and would sacrifice an entire night of sleep to level up a character in… — David Wong Falling behind Copy Share Image
The silver lining of Brexit and Trump is that it has undermined the perception that globalization is an unstoppable force, whether or… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked “That if Franz Kafka were here his head would explode?” “Actually, yeah.” — David Wong Thinking Copy Share Image
“What followed had been … frantic. The underwear actually wound up with a little rip in them. She had found one of his… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“NO!” he screamed at it. “No! Don’t you see, you dumb son of a bitch? We don’t want to kill you! Can… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat… — David Wong Bible Copy Share Image
She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,'… — David Wong Cat Copy Share Image
“Here's the only thing you need to know about John: The reason I was surprised by your hand was because he never… — David Wong Copy Share Image
Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a Web site soon, where you’ll type out everything in one huge paragraph. — David Wong Copy Share Image
“If you had to choose, and if you were not allowed to see either ahead of time and had no other information… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“We’re like one German soldier alone on the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, holding a sharp stick.” — David Wong Normandy Copy Share Image
“ I am not the star of a zombie movie. I am the guy in the background who gets eaten in the… — David Wong Montage Copy Share Image
“They were waiting for me, I realized, too late. They were waiting for me to push the attack, to lead them. Welcome… — David Wong Too late Copy Share Image
There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an… — David Wong English language Copy Share Image
Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Funny Copy Share Image
“If God was the type who needed to be asked verbally before he would support your side over man-eating monsters, then she… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Folding chairs were flying through the air as if propelled by dozens of invisible Bobby Knights.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
