Bill Bailey

I'm an omnivore, although I am trying to eat less meat. I went vegetarian for about two years, then I suddenly got…

— Bill Bailey

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn't just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars…

— Bill Bailey

Twenty-two years I've been doing this comedy lark, so it's been like a meteoric rise to fame... if the meteor was being…

— Bill Bailey

Riding a horse and using a phone camera is tricky but if you don't take pictures or record the moment, you lose…

— Bill Bailey

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple…

— Bill Bailey

My comedy comes from the actual music itself - they're observational musical gags. I could take the music away and it would…

— Bill Bailey

I prefer the simple things and I love walking in the countryside, or going camping... but simplicity is hard. It's easier to…

— Bill Bailey

When you say 'Hello Wembley!' you're not just saying hello to a large shed. You're saying, 'Hello, I'm following all the greats…

— Bill Bailey

My grandparents lived with us. And I remember watching 'Doctor Who' with my granddad on his new telly. These were the days…

— Bill Bailey

Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries…

— Bill Bailey

When I was 15, I went to see the Stranglers at Bath Pavilion. I saw Jean-Jacques Burnel take off his bass and…

— Bill Bailey

I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if…

— Bill Bailey

I play the piano and that's how I learned about music. I then taught myself the guitar, drums, percussion and various other…

— Bill Bailey

It's a lovely moment when everyone's part of something greater than the sum of its parts. That encapsulates what a comedy gig…

— Bill Bailey

If you're going to perform, you're going to attract criticism. You can't please everyone all the time. You don't know how things…

— Bill Bailey

When I was in Cardiff, playing with the National Orchestra of Wales, they said they get letters from people complaining if they're…

— Bill Bailey

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay…

— Bill Bailey

My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you…

— Bill Bailey

For me, audio books was about when you can't actually physically get hold of a book, like when you're driving. It's a…

— Bill Bailey

In 1994 I was doing a two-hander with Sean Lock in Edinburgh and there were more people in the cast than the…

— Bill Bailey

If you become famous but haven't actually achieved anything, then your life has no real meaning - unless you're spectacularly shallow.

— Bill Bailey

There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.

— Bill Bailey

If I'm a national treasure, does that mean I'm like the Elgin Marbles and will get repatriated at some point?

— Bill Bailey

In my twenties, I floated around for years, doing the odd theatre job but mainly leading a hedonistic lifestyle, getting intoxicated in…

— Bill Bailey

I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running…

— Bill Bailey

I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to…

— Bill Bailey

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad,…

— Bill Bailey

Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD,…

— Bill Bailey

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk.…

— Bill Bailey

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.

— Bill Bailey

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what…

— Bill Bailey

Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it

— Bill Bailey

I'm really grateful for the fact that I have full artistic control over my career. I can choose what film or TV…

— Bill Bailey

When you're a birder, you have all sorts of reference books, and you know about migratory patterns and technical stuff. Most people…

— Bill Bailey

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message…

— Bill Bailey

There was something about stand-up that music wouldn't give me, which was my love of the spoken word and the mercurial tendency…

— Bill Bailey

It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead…

— Bill Bailey

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be…

— Bill Bailey

You have to have a thick skin, yes. If you're going to do something as foolhardy as standup, you've got to be…

— Bill Bailey

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious…

— Bill Bailey