“Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax” — Augusten Burroughs Candles Copy Share Image
I never get sick of writing my own stories because there's a certain comfort in knowing you will never run out of… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I sit there and think how it isn't fair that I can't drink at all, even a little. I realize I have… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Because I've lived in one room my entire life, working at the same table that you use to pay bills at and… — Augusten Burroughs Being nice Copy Share Image
I like, though, that people have a hunger to connect with other people. They're desperate to know that you're not lying to… — Augusten Burroughs Desperate Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a… — Augusten Burroughs Bird Copy Share Image
People generally like happy endings, which is something I learned from my years in advertising. I like happy endings myself, but only… — Augusten Burroughs Advertising Copy Share Image
The truth is that nobody is owed an apology for anything. Apologies are lovely when they happen. But they change nothing. They… — Augusten Burroughs Action Copy Share Image
Optimism sprouts from the knowledge that you are in control of your own life, not your past and not those around you.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Maybe it was a Patty Hearst thing. Stockholm syndrome or whatever it's called when you're being held against your will but then… — Augusten Burroughs Computers Copy Share Image
Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of… — Augusten Burroughs Abuse Copy Share Image
“Fairness is not among the laws of the universe. This means, if someone runs over your foot in a car and they… — Augusten Burroughs Fairness Copy Share Image
Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I… — Augusten Burroughs Candle Copy Share Image
Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after… — Augusten Burroughs Birthday Copy Share Image
Dennis looked at the puppy in the window. We both did. It was the oddest thing. Normally, puppies in pet store windows… — Augusten Burroughs Animal Copy Share Image
I don't think writers - in general - ever achieve the fame of movie stars. For the simple reason that only a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“I said all the wrong things. Except when I was busy saying all the mean ones and in the end I hated… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I realized I could really become hooked on these happy pills. They gave me a glorious feeling of general well-being and didn't… — Augusten Burroughs Alcohol Copy Share Image
“I nodded again, but I knew I would not grow up to drive a bulldozer. It would be awful to be dirty… — Augusten Burroughs Aspirations Copy Share Image
Because here is the truth: If you want to have a chance at meeting somebody with whom you are genuinely compatible, never… — Augusten Burroughs Chance Copy Share Image
And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you… — Augusten Burroughs Dark Copy Share Image
“There just didn't seem to be anything to hold on to. We weren't going anywhere, and we weren't pulling away. We were… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Any damage that's been done, you have to fix yourself because it needs fixing and there is nobody else to do the… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can't learn one… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
And I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I was struck with a bolt of distilled horror like I have never known before. Far worse than suddenly finding yourself walking… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm grateful for a lot of things. One is not being a drunk wreck. Or losing all four limbs in some ridiculous… — Augusten Burroughs Accident Copy Share Image
“I referred albums to the more modern eight tracks. Albums came with sleeves which reminded me of clean underwear. Plus, the pictures… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered… — Augusten Burroughs Genius Copy Share Image
“I walked up to the house, rubbing my shoulder where it still hurt from the rifle's recoil. But soon, it wouldn't hurt… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be… — Augusten Burroughs Class Copy Share Image
I don't really think of my blog as a real blog. It's a lame blog. It's more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or… — Augusten Burroughs Blog Copy Share Image
I don't read memoirs. But if you write a memoir, I would think you'd want people to know, "O.K., look, I've taken… — Augusten Burroughs Books Copy Share Image
“You're at the crack addict's apartment? Having a little sandwich?" he says. From the tone of his voice, you'd think I just… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
But she did love him. I believe it. I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it. Because… — Augusten Burroughs Attention Copy Share Image
“What little factual information I absorbed in my life was gleaned from lectures the Professor gave to Gilligan. For” — Augusten Burroughs Life Copy Share Image
It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What… — Augusten Burroughs Body Copy Share Image
I once read about a guy who lost his arms in a fire. The nurse took pity on him and gave him… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“I could see jabs from his flashlight cutting into the woods on either side of me. He was back there, somewhere. The… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
