I tend to really enjoy being swept up in fiction. I love a good story and I admire fiction authors. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“I mean, handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Truth is not an opinion. It’s a force like gravity. It’s the most valuable substance known to man.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My subconscious does the writing; I don't have control over that. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Humor Copy Share Image
“We never sampled our drugs because we were afraid of them, but to admit it aloud would have broken the spell.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The only other people who have had experiences similar to those of this man were locked up inside institutions for the criminally… — Augusten Burroughs Business Copy Share Image
“In addition to calling each other standard names like bitch and whore, the Finches incorporated Freud's stages of psychosexual development into their… — Augusten Burroughs Finches Copy Share Image
“Never, ever try to impress somebody. Be exactly the person you would be if you were alone or with somebody it was… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The truth is humbling, terrifying, and often exhilarating. It blows the doors off the hinges and fills the world with fresh air. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“One thing was certain: I would be in their Tang commercial. And if any of the other children tried to get in… — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
All children should be loved, protected, nurtured --emotionally and intellectually-- respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated. — Augusten Burroughs Child Copy Share Image
As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just… — Augusten Burroughs Childhood Copy Share Image
“To nobody’s surprise, steroid use is common among gay men. When you combine a love for men with a love for drama,… — Augusten Burroughs Gay men Copy Share Image
“Lately, I am receiving numerous calls each night from telemarketers. They're calling with the frequent urgency of dumped boyfriends. At this point,… — Augusten Burroughs Gay guy Copy Share Image
“Because the minister's wife refused to leave the minister, and because my mother required a worshipful companion, she was forced to break… — Augusten Burroughs Marriage Copy Share Image
Most everybody had made at least one bad, drunken decision in their lives. Called an ex at two in the morning. Or… — Augusten Burroughs Best buddies Copy Share Image
But even with my minimal amount of fame, there are certain perks. Recently, I was at a movie premier, and at the… — Augusten Burroughs Baby Copy Share Image
“I want to feel calm and at ease. Like someone who lives in Half Moon Bay, California, and makes hummus from scratch.… — Augusten Burroughs Alcoholism Copy Share Image
“I paused finally and watched the trees for slashes of light, but saw none. As my heart settled and my ears became… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“As I move along the line, other food items are plunked onto my tray: a small salad of iceberg lettuce and bacos,… — Augusten Burroughs Food Copy Share Image
In the opening to the Mary Tyler Moore Show Mary's in the supermarket, hurrying through the aisles. She pauses at the meat… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“His eyes are so clear and blue that nothing but clichés enter my mind.” — Augusten Burroughs Alcoholism Copy Share Image
“Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.” — Augusten Burroughs Community Copy Share Image
“It's neat how money smells nothing like anything in the world except money, just like cardboard.” — Augusten Burroughs Cardboard Copy Share Image
I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Will I end up in Hell along with the Hamburger Helping Hand, Joe Camel and Wendy, the Snapple Lady?” — Augusten Burroughs Hell Copy Share Image
“Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth” — Augusten Burroughs Health Copy Share Image
Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it’s served without advice or insight. — Augusten Burroughs Advice Copy Share Image
“Didn’t every new thing you did become a part of you, one of your bricks?” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You weren't heavy at all...the only weight you carry is on your shoulders. I wish I could carry it for you.” — Augusten Burroughs Weight Copy Share Image
The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
...handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting. — Augusten Burroughs Crisis Copy Share Image
Once I decided to write, to be published, I knew it would happen. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Now I can add prostitute to my list of life's accomplishments.” — Augusten Burroughs Accomplishments Copy Share Image
“Give me down. And give me the Polaroids of the fifty geese that had to die in the process.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
