When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it. — Michael R. Burch Copy Share Image
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this? — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny,… — Ian Hislop Copy Share Image
This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah." — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be… — Robert De Niro Copy Share Image
Facebook? You mean that thing pussies use to bitch about their problems? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men are simple creatures. 99% of their problems can be solved with sex, sandwiches, or both. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We are the leaves of one branch, the drops of one sea, the flowers of one garden. — Jean Baptiste Henry Lacordaire Copy Share Image
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girls Search for Love and Shoes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. — Angie Dickinson Copy Share Image
I am so frickin' cool and delicious and pretty and witty and sharp! I love every inch of me! Who wouldn't? — Kris Carr Copy Share Image
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're...you're...booty call! — Mustache Man Copy Share Image
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: Gently aging, but still a warmand desirable place to visit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't always tweet when I'm drunk, but when I do, it's when I'm visiting my family. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When a woman agrees to give her husband head for no reason --- there is a reason. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE LICENSE, is the only permit taken out after the hunt is over — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
