“Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.” — Nights Raven Copy Share Image
If you're not following me yet, hopefully reading this tweet will convince you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2 — MaryAnne Tebedo Copy Share Image
Woman who springs on innerspring this spring, gets offspring next spring. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I look at her boobs, and she looks at my dick, and that's when I realize the best things in life are… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
WIFE, HAPPY, a spouse who is sometimes so because she has the best husband -- more often it is that she makes… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would you have??… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I started putting words together, making rhymes and being witty with the wordplay. I can play a little bit of guitar, and… — James Paxton Copy Share Image
When our government is spoken of as some menacing, threatening, foreign entity, it ignores the fact that in our democracy, government is… — Barack Obama Copy Share Image
The army slew a thousand and showed little pity The king ordered fealty from the conquered city The prince charmed its people… — Shannon Hale Copy Share Image
I don't have a great sense of humor, but I do have a great sense of nonsense. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you try to be different, you are being like everyone else. Being yourself is what makes you different. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like my man to be witty; he needs a sense of humour and needs to be extremely well-mannered. — Esha Gupta Copy Share Image
When someone has the wit to coin a useful phrase, it ought to be acclaimed and broadcast or it will perish. — Jack Smith Copy Share Image
Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging. — Jhonen Vasquez Copy Share Image
My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. — Mae West Copy Share Image
He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course — Larry David Copy Share Image
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. So said by the idiot who can't understand it. — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
When a girl says have fun She means have a horrible time without me. Not true... Maybe! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit is the clash and reconcilement of incongruities; the meeting of extremes round a corner. — Leigh Hunt Copy Share Image
WIFE, A great comfort during her husband's troubles -- those, that as a bachelor, he would never have had; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'd be a great mattress salesman coz I love removing pants for no reason and spending all day looking at porn. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes . — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.” — Olivia Fuller Copy Share Image
