You're my ex. That means I no longer owe you any answers. Don't worry about who I'm with now. It's not you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wouldn't even dare read the Torah, let alone attempt a witty observation on the Torah. — Charles Grodin Copy Share Image
A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“He gave a wry smile. With all this vigilant vigils on virginity, you would think the country would have controlled its population… — Mallika Nawal Copy Share Image
“Her guts told her that something was amiss. Alexandra only spoke to her intestines once in a while, so she wasn’t sure… — J.S. Mason Copy Share Image
“Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing- if it is only yours it won't wake the dead, it will simply… — W. Ian Thomas Copy Share Image
Twitter has restored my faith in humanity. I thought I'd hate it, but while there are lots of knobheads, there are even… — John Simm Copy Share Image
My contributions were many: First clown director, with witty sayings and flashily dressed, now called master of ceremonies. — Jelly Roll Morton Copy Share Image
I didn't want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble — I wanted to kiss you good night — and… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
I've got respect with you guys.. But my respect have limitations. So if you hit that limit, expect me to hit your… — Rakii Retondo Copy Share Image
“What the hell makes you smart?" I asked. "I wouldn't go for coffee with you." "Listen - I wouldn't ask you." "That,"… — Erich Segal Copy Share Image
WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. — Voltaire Copy Share Image
Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“In his experience, ‘trust me’ was just a polite way of saying ‘brace yourself.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The greatest fault of a penetrating wit is to go beyond the mark. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hope you're not allergic to nuts. Cause I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Make the most of What you have, When you have it, Where you are. — Eleanor Roosevelt Copy Share Image
Good girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don't wear any Naughty girls don't really give a shit — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. — Lily Tomlin Copy Share Image
Wit is as infinite as love, and a deal more lasting in its qualities. — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
