The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Apparently the only time the press gets it right is when the White House illegally leaks it to them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
We all know what happens to celebrities when their time is up - rehab and then a stint on VH1. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The election moment is merely the American public saying, "We'd rather you be President than that guy." That's it. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think, with the administration they do Constitutionally-mandated things most of the time, but they don't - they fulfill the letter of… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I figured this out. I know what's wrong with what we've done in Iraq. We've been… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The important thing is, that I guess I don't spend any time thinking about what I am or what we do means.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think it's just about the machine is about reporting the news, and then reporting the news about the news, and then… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
America has had to deal with eccentric dictators in the past: Idi Amin, Muammar Qaddafi, Ming the Merciless... but now the security… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, "Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
“You spent so much time being a hostess you forgot to be a woman. And now the time is right for making… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and the reason that maybe… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everybody talks about the entitlement generation. There is no time I'd rather live in than now, and there is no generation I… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
![“When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/957/jon-stewart-455_arrested_when-henry-hill-in-goodfellas-got-arrest_2126323.jpg)
