Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
How do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? The honest answer is… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
