All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean, his people were backstage that night and they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The heaviest snowfall in over 60 years is being reported in Beijing, China. To give you an idea of how bad it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here's some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Republican presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a British poll, you've only got a one in five chance of achieving your childhood career ambition. Which probably explains… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are over 30 doctors running for the US Congress this year. That's going to be rather strange. Half the time these… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas governor Rick Perry said God is calling on him to run for President. But Michele Bachmann said that god is calling… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson's wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name:… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
