Masturbation Quotes · Page 5

Drawing and masturbation were the first sacred experiences I remember.

— Carolee Schneemann

“You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan's Island.”

— Ron Jeremy

“Excessive masturbation is a sign that you are routinely in a high electromagnetic interference (EMI) environment.”

— Steven Magee

Masturbation is an absolutely peerless cure for the hiccups

— Inga Muscio

Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.

— Anonymous

“Masturbating is no more sinful than praying or meditating.”

— Abhijit Naskar

“The wise treat horniness like a hiccup; the foolish, like an asthma attack.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When you turn out the light, I've got to hand it to me. Looks like it's you and me again tonight Rosie.

— Jackson Browne

When they say take from my body, I think I'll take from mine instead. Getting off, getting off while they're all down…

— Tori Amos

It's what I call "mental masturbation", when you engage is some pointless intellectual exercise that has no possible meaning.

— Linus Torvalds

“The Greatest thing about masturbation is that it is always available. I wager that many a condemn man has consoled himself this…

— Robert Anton Wilson

“Most board meetings amount to little more than intellectual masturbation. They are ideas that cause thrills, chills, and satisfaction, but there is…

— Steve Maraboli

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

— Karl Kraus

In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948--on a five year old girl.

— Eve Ensler

“And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME…

— Amy Lane

Masturbation is forbidden since he is destroying the potential to create a life. This sin is not punishable by court, only by…

— Anonymous

“...Don't tell me he's bisexual! Don't tell me this is more of the guy in the hallway! Don't tell me he wants…

— Philip Roth

“The difference between a self-induced orgasm and an orgasm given by a man is like comparing a rainy day and a rain…

— Madeline Sheehan

I always think that the difference between film and theater is like the difference between masturbation and making love. Because, in film,…

— Susan Sarandon

Prostitution reinforces all the old dumb clichés about women's sexuality; that they are not built to enjoy sex and are little more…

— Julie Burchill

Art is the process of evoking pity and terror, which is not abstract at all but very human. What the self-styled modern…

— Robert A. Heinlein

Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.

— Chuck Palahniuk

It’s disgusting. On trains, the number of those people doing that strange masturbation-like gesture is multiplying.

— Hayao Miyazaki

Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?

— Robert Clark

Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.

— Dan Johnson

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

— Patrick Murray

Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate.

— Peter Griffin

“Social media is to socializing what masturbating is to sex.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

— Woody Allen

“It’s still masturbation if your clone gives you a hand job. It’s also a lot like being a member of Congress.”

— Jarod Kintz

I thought the whole masturbation thing was really odd and really weird.

— Lynndie England

“For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The universe has an itch, and I have been called upon to scratch it.”

— James Halat

Contempt for others, like masturbation, is best as a secret pleasure.

— Mason Cooley

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

— Matt Groening

Disco boy, no one understands, but thank the lord you still got hands.

— Frank Zappa

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

— Lily Tomlin

Sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of machines.

— Frank Zappa

“Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.”

— Seanan McGuire

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

— Woody Allen