Joke Quotes · Page 41

Fake buckteeth make a joke that you don't have to make any effort on, even if you're not a funny person.

— Dave Itzkoff

Biggest joke of the century.Mobile and computers were invented to save our time.

— Anonymous

When I tell a joke, I immediately know whether it's funny or not.

— Carlos Mencia

Donald Trump is finding out what I found out: when you run for office, you are not allowed to tell a joke.

— Jesse Ventura

I know what I want to talk about, but I don't really know what's funny about a joke until I perform it…

— James Acaster

“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.”

— Bob Dylan

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.

— Jonathan Raban

I sometimes joke that I'm half Jewish, because I was raised Catholic... and we share 'the guilt.'

— John Densmore

Some girls too day crazy how can she do such a thing,WHAT HAPPEN? she just pollute the meeting room!!,WHAT DID SHE TAKE…

— Juniorjk

I thought I m in love, My nites going sleeples My days going useles So I askd GOD Is dis LOVE? God…

— AB

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of…

— Larry the Cable Guy

“You, Stan, are covered with dirt and leaves.'' ''I just applied for a job as a tree,'' I said. It made so…

— Sean Beaudoin

In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage,…

— Kathy Griffin

“A jolly young fellow from Yuma Told an elephant joke to a puma; now his skeleton lies beneath hot western skies- the…

— Ogden Nash

Half of being a comedian is knowing how to pace a joke, how to say it, so someone else could be given…

— Janelle James

If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that…

— Richard Lewis

I gave my father a heart attack. It was a practical joke. Come on, you push a guy's face in a cake…

— Christopher Titus

“So...Rayna and Nico," he said. "From the secon she saw him," I agreed. "They seem good together," Ben said. Then he smiled,…

— Hilary Duff

The only people who live in a post-black world are four people who live in a little white house on Pennsylvania Avenue.…

— Henry Louis Gates

If you're in the writer's room, in any writer's room in the world, before you pitch a joke or suggest an idea,…

— Philip Rosenthal

“..., and sometimes there's just no point in arguing with him. "Yeah, okay 'me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree...'" Chris…

— Kate Sherwood

I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell…

— Howie Mandel

If God gives you (or makes you) a joke, what are you meant to do in response? (Receive it. Laugh.) If God…

— N.D. Wilson

“My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up.”

— Randy Kagan

“Okay, brace yourselves for a really hilarious joke here: Being a vampire sucks.”

— Tamara Summers

We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared

— Suzanne Collins

“The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets she took him.”

— Oscar Wilde

I intend to buy 'The New York Times.' Please don't take it as a joke.

— Chen Guangbiao

A joke without a point, inane and bald, itself a joke on joking may be called

— Menander Of Athens

If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

— Kurt Vonnegut

This is why Jessica Biel is a successful actress: because, despite the punchlines, you know how to tell a joke.

— Raphael Bob-Waksberg

“It's easy to joke when you don't care any more. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me, because it did.”

— Nicholas Sparks

I suppose every time [something bad happens], I have that instinct to make that joke that distracts.

— Phoebe Waller-Bridge

John Locke invented common sense, and only Englishmen have had it ever since!

— Bertrand Russell

Never take someone's feelings as a joke, you never know how bad it feels.

— Anonymous

What a nice joke on the back of the arms to the promise of peace

— Mak_786

Some guys joke, 'Oh, you have a bedtime.' But I've got to be able to function the next day at the top…

— Tobias Harris

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

— Doug Larson

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”

— E.B. White