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Humorous Quotes by Anonymous

86 Humorous quotes by Anonymous

All Humorous quotes Anonymous’s page

Death, taxes and childbirth all arrive at inconvenient times, a truth that sparks humor in the quotes. They play with absurdities—levitating birds no one cares about, debts owed after death, and tongue‑in‑cheek wishes for breakfast in bed—showing how laughter can lighten even the oddest moments.

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Facts are the enemy of truth.

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I got to take a

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Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

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You should be smart enough to understand how dumb you are!

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Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.

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I love you slightly more than I love dad.

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“Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.”

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Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

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“I am not mean I am just sarcastically humorous”

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Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.

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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

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“If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.”

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Thanks for not putting me up for adoption unless you're not really my mom...

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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

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I'd have made you breakfast in bed if you'd taught me how to cook.

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

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Newtons third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!

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You've always been a great mom because of your patience, sense of humor, and fondness for daytime drinking.

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A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den…

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As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my…

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That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of…

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The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.

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“Trojan is a terrible name for a brand of condom. Why name it after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open…

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I want to be one of those people who does yoga & eats berries for breakfast, but I'm one of those people…

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Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you…

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in…

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“...Anand, look at the back of my hands. No hair. The sign of an advanced race, boy. And look at yours. No…

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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no…

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Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.

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When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

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I can levitate birds. No one cares.

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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

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Life is a reality without a rubber.

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I would have made a good pope.

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I always advise people never to give advice.

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Thanks for helping me learn from your mistakes with men.

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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

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I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

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Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama.

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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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More by Anonymous

And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back

Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.

You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.…

Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t…

Everyone needs someone to love, and I choose you.

“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care…

Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,…

Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past…

Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer…

Im sorry I ever tried...

Being betrayed by the one you love is the worst feeling in the world...

Let children support their parents or be imprisoned.

The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much.

“Start a business, not a startup”

The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,…