I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So now I have to sit down when I… — Carlos De'shawn Banks Copy Share Image
Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy! Grab my glasses I'm out the the door bout to hit thee city! — Ke$sha Copy Share Image
To all those i've hurt in the past I'd just like to say…ah well you probably deserved it — Avi Chauhan Copy Share Image
I'm gonna cross 3/4 of the street, then turn around and go back for no fucking reason. -Squirrels — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today's forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of getting laid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's either a new car...or a new girl! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its almost halloween... there already treating your hoe like a pumpkin just to smash her!!! — Patrick Thomas Copy Share Image
If you want to get your children's attention, just look real comfortable, talk on the phone,or try to have a conversation with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment , when your 'friend' say's that he/she would get out of the relationship there in, just to get with… — Syoung Copy Share Image
I bought a self-help cd online. It was called How to Handle Disappointment. When the package arrived it was empty! — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
If a woman asks you a question, its better to tell her the truth , chances are shes asking you because she… — Becca Copy Share Image
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A female officer pulls over a drunk man. The officer tells him, Anything you say will be held against you! Then the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when the teacher points at the person behind you and you think the teacher was pointing at you so… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Had a weird dream last night that I murdered 4 people who unfollowed me on twitter. But woke up relieved to find… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...instead, there's such thing as not enough beer!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't call me at 3am and ask me if I'm sleepin .. No I'm skydiving.. the fuck you think I'm doing? — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f*cked up! Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation? — Zariahh Renee Copy Share Image
Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's… — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife. One's getting breasts, one's getting whiskers. My life is over. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only B word you should call a female is beautiful... Trust me the bitches love that! — Marcus Ybarra Copy Share Image
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, its one of two things, either a new girl, or… — Jorge Armenta Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when someone farts in the elevator and looks at you to see if you notice :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you were born in the 90's The best P.E. lessons involved a rainbow colored parachute... — Brandon Martin Copy Share Image
My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So is it wrong that I only accept people's request when they are loged off? Just in case there ugly..i can delete… — Syoung Copy Share Image
