HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder, would females have all these relationship problems if they would have chose those nice guys they decided to ignore.… — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla. — Ashley Copy Share Image
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment , when your 'friend' say's that he/she would get out of the relationship there in, just to get with… — Syoung Copy Share Image
I bought a self-help cd online. It was called How to Handle Disappointment. When the package arrived it was empty! — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
If a woman asks you a question, its better to tell her the truth , chances are shes asking you because she… — Becca Copy Share Image
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A female officer pulls over a drunk man. The officer tells him, Anything you say will be held against you! Then the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when the teacher points at the person behind you and you think the teacher was pointing at you so… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's either a new car...or a new girl! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its almost halloween... there already treating your hoe like a pumpkin just to smash her!!! — Patrick Thomas Copy Share Image
If you want to get your children's attention, just look real comfortable, talk on the phone,or try to have a conversation with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm really sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I honestly had no idea you it was a secret. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man post a status onto his wall, ''tonight I'm gonna sleep in terrace'' 55 mosquitos likes — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Mom: YOU'RE GROUNDED. Me: Psh. Fine I don't care. Mom: Give me your phone then. Me: OMG IM SO SORRY MOM I… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
If Shes A Keeper. . . . .Then KEEP Her ! If She's A Freak. . . . .Then FREAK Her. .… — Jason Santana Copy Share Image
When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible! — Lillaay Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
