Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some of the best and worst lies Ive ever told are excuses for why Im late. — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Do you want to make money from Facebook? It's easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and Go To… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I miss you when I'm not with you. When I'm not with you all I do is think about you. When I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I tried taking everything in Life with a grain of salt, but after using up two bags of salt, I gave up. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why do people feel stronger on Saturdays and Sundays? because all other days are Weak days!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why do we call it truth or dare when we all know it's really Who do you like or Awkward sexual task. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
When a girl says have fun She means have a horrible time without me. Not true... Maybe! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've never killed an unfollower but I should definitely take a shot at it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT AND I'M AT HOME ON FACEBOOK DON'T LAUGH SO ARE YOU... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Changing your entire message because you don't know how to spell one word!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sign in a vegetarian restaurant: All we are saying is give peas a chance. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Oh, you say BRB Shower and never come back? Please tell me how much your water bill is. — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I don't always fall in love. But when I do she has a boyfriend already. — Anurag Prakash Ray Copy Share Image
To meet, to know, to love, to share then to part is the sad tale of the human heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My mind says Victoria Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, pizza, food. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facebook? You mean that thing pussies use to bitch about their problems? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If she thinks a vibrator is just a setting on a phone, she's too young for you bro. — Cheyenne Copy Share Image
