Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 21

When life gives you a rainy day, play in the puddles...

— Nikhil Saluja

Guys and their afro's man CHOP that shit off it's too hot for all that -_-

— Krystal

Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.

— Anonymous

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

— Nikhil Saluja

Looks like Facebook and myspace got divorced but Facebook got the all the kids :)

— Anonymous

I had a dream about a tweet. That's completely safe right?

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent...

— Anonymous

Ask and you shall receive does not apply to ugly people.

— Nikhil Saluja

I talks broken English , writes grammatically wrong English . Who cares ? I'm proud to be Malaysian since forever !

— TheTowraMowra

This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass.

— Anonymous

When teaching your foreign girlfriend the english alphabet,its only fair you start by giving her the d

— Chad Houston

Charging your phone 5 minutes before you leave, because you think it will make a difference.

— Anonymous

When life gives me lemons, I'm like What's the catch? Because in this expensive world no one's just giving away free lemons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

— Hussein Nishah

I wish people would learn from their mistakes and not keep making the same exact ones, damaging themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Weekends are like an orgasm: It takes a lot to get there and when you finally do, it's over in no time ._.

— Carlos Banks

You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me jealous Hahahahahahahahaahahaahaahahahahahhahahahahaahahaahahaahah lmao

— Kevin McCarty

Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.

— Anonymous

Girl you look sexy in those heels, but your big toe is hanging out.

— Kevin

How many numbers are in the alphabet... Exactly because that's how many fucks I give!

— Marcus Ybarra

Throwing fertilizer at these hoes so they can grow the f*ck up!

— Pretty Ladii

Screw me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?

— Anonymous

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

— Nikhil Saluja

People say you can't live without love but I think oxygen is more important

— Anonymous

As the auto mechanic said to the Scoutmaster whose car horn was broken, Beep repaired.

— Nikhil Saluja

I never gave a Fuck I mean ,i did, but like fuck it.

— Syoung

I dont usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough

— Hussein Nishah

A girl gives you a massage. The woman gives you a happy ending.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everyones middle name should be, motherfuckin...try it. Doesn't it sound so great?

— Anonymous

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the world ends in 2012, I've wasted my whole life in school.

— Anonymous

I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks...I mean how do you not hear the music?

— Anonymous

YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL

— Anonymous

I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

If your shorts look like they're being eaten by your butt, they're not meant for you.

— Anonymous

Bitch please, Your vagina is used more than google.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Consider Yourself an ugly person,consider yourself a beautiful monkey.

— Anonymous

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't judge an human being by their clothes - Books

— Nikhil Saluja