Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 20

The pain when you open your wallet and find it empty..

— SouL

My ex is living proof that I generally make poor choices in life.

— Anonymous

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram: Because even ugly & fat girls wanna feel like models sometimes.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home.

— Nikhil Saluja

How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that.

— Nikhil Saluja

Morning: Laziness. Afternoon: Dying for a rest. Night: Can't sleep.

— Mee

She wanted to sign up as an organ donor, but all she had was a guitar.

— Nikhil Saluja

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to…

— Anonymous

KISSING, A method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other;

— Nikhil Saluja

A female saying that she doesn't like attention is like a guy saying he doesn't like getting blowjobs. -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy.

— Anonymous

Woman say:WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. Woman means:I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym…

— Nikhil Saluja

Why did Susan fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susan.

— Deezy Da Dreadhead

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer…

— Danish

That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off.

— Anonymous

I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL GET OK…BUT I'D PREFER IT TO BE AWESOME..!! <3

— Anonymous

Oh, you're an actor??? Why don't you act like a waiter and get me another beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear haters, I'm gonna give you more reason to hate me. Have patience.

— Tanya Bianco

Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!

— Nikhil Saluja

People use YOLO for everything *falls out of tree* are you ok? yeah nigga YOLO.

— Itsateenthing

Dear America, why don't you run on me instead of donuts? Sincerely treadmill

— LyLe

Is it dead? ( ._.) (._. ) I dont know? Poke it.

— Enhance Dreams

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.

— Nikhil Saluja

Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.

— Anonymous

Teen pregnancy will be at a all time low due to the releasing of Black Ops 2 & Halo 4.

— Anonymous

This Saturday has been sponsored by Tylenol and Jack Daniels.

— Anonymous

You never run out of things that can go wrong

— Hussein Nishah

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works…

— Anonymous

My room may be a mess but I know everything where some things are.

— Ewshy

When I first saw Batman, I was expecting to see a baseball movie.

— Hussein Nishah

A skinny guy with six pack abs is like a fat chick with big boobs.

— Anonymous

Don't treat someone like an iphone if they treat you like a blackberry.

— Anonymous

Of course I'm eating a ciggarete. The sign says no smoking.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

— Nikhil Saluja

My parachute isn't opening!! said Tom, jumping to a conclusion.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always write 'Wake Up' on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day.

— Anonymous

Why do dogs love their daily walks? They get to check their p-mail!

— Nikhil Saluja

Wanna come over to MySpace and Twitter my Yahoo till I Google all over your Facebook?

— Anonymous