“You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes, like if he’s barefoot or not.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When your clothes are aren’t, I’ll be there trying to get invisible with you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed in a smoky, dingy dungeon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always wear size 14 boat shoes that are so old they could have been built by Noah.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could adorn myself with a question, I’d wear a where. It would never go out of style, because location is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll buy you a dress at half price, and hopefully half as much cloth was used and it’s twice as short as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy Choos, and not have a single foot to put… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I try to put myself in another man’s shoes. Or a woman’s, if she has large enough feet.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s no room in my life for a woman. I mean I live in a closet, and I suppose I could squish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you were to ask me what’s under my bed, I’d tell you shoes. They’re brown, and they’re still attached to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thor’s the kind of guy who has a closet full of tailored suits and colorful ties, yet never leaves the house and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I designed a dress out of scotch tape. If you wear my dress, you can be dressed and undressed at the same… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The elevator wasn’t empty; it was full of fragrance. The perfume that lingered smelled like my past. Starting tomorrow, to focus on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It also must be hard to have a wife like Mrs. Indianapolis. She’s in the fashion industry. She’s not a model or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Somewhere, on some sidewalk, is a piece of gum with my shoe’s imprint patterned on it. You must find it and bring… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s important that my socks match. I don’t want anything that distracts from my sock puppet show. Quiet, now! Show starts in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t wear boat shoes—I wear yacht shoes. It’s not just that they’re bigger, but I had to hire a captain to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear clothing made out of green screen material, because then I can go chameleon when I edit the photo. And chameleon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flip flops were oppressive, I wouldn't wear any. I'd go around showing of my bare feet of freedom. And I'd tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the assembly line of love. Please take off your shoes before you run on my conveyer belt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
