“I’m half naked. The question is not, Am I getting dressed or undressed? the question is, Am I a half-noble savage, or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the assembly line of love. Please take off your shoes before you run on my conveyer belt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear clothing made out of green screen material, because then I can go chameleon when I edit the photo. And chameleon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flip flops were oppressive, I wouldn't wear any. I'd go around showing of my bare feet of freedom. And I'd tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s important that my socks match. I don’t want anything that distracts from my sock puppet show. Quiet, now! Show starts in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sure, I have nice shoes. They’re in my closet, collecting a patina of dust. My shoes were made for dancing, and that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My shoes were all muddy, so before I walked in my friend's house I sprinkled grass clippings all over my feet and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m growing out my baldness, and a mustache. Combined with spectacles (glasses), I’ll be a spectacle. I’ll proudly wear my absurdity like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I killed a man for his shoes, and then I realized his feet were much smaller than mine. So I walked around… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My amazing feat features shoes (and feet)—it’s how far I’d walk for love. Guess how far? However far it is from the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to steal somebody’s shoes while they are wearing them and not have them notice. But that’s what politicians have done… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t wear boat shoes—I wear yacht shoes. It’s not just that they’re bigger, but I had to hire a captain to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
