“Is my conversation putting you to sleep, or is the rufie I slipped in your dog food finally starting to kick in?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My wife won’t talk to me, but that’s OK, because it’s not like I’d listen if she did.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called “Conversations.” Of course, it’s all talk at this point.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I find politicians’ speeches moving. Sometimes I don’t even pack up before forever leaving their vicinity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fill my life with speech, but not with people who are truly listening.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won an Oscar. I Won it in a raffle. It’s a replica, but I still gave a teary-eyed acceptance speech. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years all it did was sit on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be surprised if I try to stab you with a club sandwich sword. I will defend your right to free speech… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Language is the proper way to communicate, followed closely by five balled up fingers forming a fist and flying at a face.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd have finally have met a man with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The conversation went like this: Me: Hello? You left your panties over here. Her: Hello? Me: Oh, hi, grandma! I thought you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as Concealment Revealer. It both conceals and reveals, like great dialogue. Here’s some great dialogue I wrote… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop potential terrorist plots. But it sure would be more effective if I could just record… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me decode intergalactic messages that I might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as: Brick: I checked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I talk about love, people listen. And when I listen about love, people talk.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help, I couldn’t have won.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I’m having a conversation with my clone, am I having an interior dialogue externally?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dialogue between two characters, each of them different forms of karate, might be a bit choppy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love body language, because I can speak it without talking, without listening, and while my back is turned.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t list listening as one of my skills, probably because I didn’t hear what the interviewer asked.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A two-headed man should have twice the IQ, and the ability to have internal dialogues externally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“During conversation, I have no problem making eye contact—with myself in the mirror. Or with my clone, if he’s not rolling his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Chivalry, stimulating conversations, everything is said to be a lost art nowadays. But nothing is a lost art, unless its a sunken… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
