Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Nobody in America who wants pot has any trouble getting it, so maybe that's why we aren't seeing support for legalization. People… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When did the business community in America become so sensitive? ... that we have to treat like some type of rare exotic… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Americans today confuse freedom with not being asked to sacrifice. The fact that you can't have everything you want exactly when you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Only 42 percent of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America Christians… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is a powerful message from our government: we will not be intimidated by bombs; we will not be intimidated by poison;… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Too many in America lead with their emotions when it comes to the flag, becoming illogically protective.Hell, the British treat their national… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Good presidents, people like George Bush, they SEND people to war. They don't bring them a rescue. This is America. We rescue… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It's like walking through a parking… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
America is like a dog. I'm sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's been over a year since they've graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have found any work. Why don't they sign… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior...For example, we now give free… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
That's America for you - a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Which is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share
