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America Quotes by Bill Maher

75 America quotes by Bill Maher

All America quotes Bill Maher’s page

A kid finding a gun in a TV commercial shows a wild mix of fear and humor. The quotes swing between loving America and calling out its flaws, from politics about guns to jokes about its stubbornness. They also poke fun at how the country reacts to big problems with simple slogans.

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We don't do sensible things. This is America.

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March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.'

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“Do not fuck with gun nuts because they are nuts about their guns.”

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Hollywood isn't your cesspool, America. It's your mirror.

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Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?

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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.

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“This is the opposite of the free market.”

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“It's not that we don't care--it's just that that we'd prefer not to get involved.”

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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

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“Brave Americans in past wars didn't die for the actual flag--they died for the freedom it represents, including the freedom to burn…

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I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be…

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Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!

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Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control,…

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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book…

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I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller…

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You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot…

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The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and…

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40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from…

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“We convince ourselves that even our shameless waste, our unchecked consumption and our appalling ignorance of anyplace in the world except our…

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The [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America…

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What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of…

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The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't…

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People on the right say to people like me, Oh, you hate America. And I always say, No, I love America. I…

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New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in…

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New Rule: The rest of the world can go back to being completely jealous of America. Our majority white country just freely…

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Barack Obama is the President of the United States, a politician in America, a very religious country, so I understand why he…

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“New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there…

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What's going to be hard for the United States is that our policy for a long time has been a two-state solution;…

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“After September 11th, I never much liked the trend of everyone and his brother wearing the hats and jackets of the NYPD…

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“New Rule: Apple's next device must be a computer that you control with your tongue. Thanks for eliminating the keyboard and the…

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I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for…

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Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments…

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“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word "France." Like just calling something French is…

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“Forget bringing the troops home from Iraq. We need to get the troops home from World War II. Can anybody tell me…

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“Claiming "the budget can't allow it" reminds me of when you walk into a restaurant at a civilized hour like ten o'clock…

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“New Rule: America must stop bragging it's the greatest country on earth, and start acting like it. I know this is uncomfortable…

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“Every day in America is a day with a shooting.”

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“We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it's not close to our home.”

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You can behead people, you can crucify them, you can cut their hearts out and eat them on YouTube...but, don't screw with…

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New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

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More by Bill Maher

A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid.

I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the…

To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't…

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,…

The food is out of this world!

New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the…

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures…

I think religion is bad and drugs are good.

I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is…

“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives…

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a…

“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”