"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick……" — W.C. Fields
"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."
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W.C. Fields
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188 Quotes by W.C. Fields
W.C. Fields has 188 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It…
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious…
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon…
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners…
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy…
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and…
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
See all 188 quotes by W.C. Fields »
More Alcohol Quotes
This quote is filed under Alcohol Quotes,
one of 1,156 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
— Aristotle
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On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
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Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious…
— Michael Badnarik
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to…
— Dave Barry
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According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
— Xavier Becerra
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I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,…
— Brendan Behan
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
— Robert Benchley
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I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
— George Best
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
— Ambrose Bierce
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
— Humphrey Bogart
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
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Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
See all 1,156 Alcohol Quotes »