"If it is a joint return, we are……" — W.C. Fields
"If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously."
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W.C. Fields
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188 Quotes by W.C. Fields
W.C. Fields has 188 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It…
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious…
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon…
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners…
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy…
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and…
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
See all 188 quotes by W.C. Fields »
More Both Quotes
This quote is filed under Both Quotes,
one of 10,808 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control, and outnumbers both of the…
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Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the…
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Both oligarch and tyrant mistrust the people, and therefore deprive them of their arms.
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For though we love both the truth and our friends, piety requires us to honor the truth first.
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Mythology and science both extend the scope of human beings. Like science and technology, mythology, as we shall see, is…
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When you work on something that combines both the spectacular and the relatable, the hyperreal and the real, it suddenly…
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That said, the question remains: how to strike the balance between free speech and mutual respect in this mixed-up world,…
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Mr. Bean is at his best when he is not using words, but I am equally at home in both…
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You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're…
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The only way to save a rhinoceros is to save the environment in which it lives, because there's a mutual…
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Science and fiction both begin with similar questions: What if? Why? How does it all work? But they focus on…
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Choice of attention - to pay attention to this and ignore that - is to the inner life what choice…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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