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Coffee Quote by Tim Vine

“I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.” quote by Tim Vine — Download Open image

“I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.”

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Coffee Deadline Every day Jokes Minimum People Rubbish Standing

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If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

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Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

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I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

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My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him, ‘Don’t be Sicily’.

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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

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My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

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Velcro: what a rip-off.

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I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity…

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So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I…

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