Quote by Tim Dorsey

“Your mom's not that bad," said Jim. "Are you trying to make me mad?" "Okay she is." "I knew it. You've never liked her."…

— Tim Dorsey

“The last door on the second story was the exception. Fresh gold letters: MAHONEY & ASSOCIATES, PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS. Mahoney sat inside. The only associate…

— Tim Dorsey

Hang on to your dreams with everything you got. Because the best life is when your dreams come true. The second-best is when they…

— Tim Dorsey

The whole family is a bunch of dangerous freaks...Most are ex-cons or junkies or deranged from inbreeding. Five have died violently, three are back…

— Tim Dorsey

But instead they tell you they'll come to fix your cable between noon and five, and I say, okay, I'll pay my next bill…

— Tim Dorsey

“I can buy a shotgun any time of day without the slightest background check, but if I need something for my sniffles, it’s six…

— Tim Dorsey

“Do you think heaven's like that? Could be worse, said Serge. You know all those pushy people who keep telling us we're not going…

— Tim Dorsey

“Yes, give us books about the psychotic behavior and peripheral weirdness we see all around every day -- and we will laugh in its…

— Tim Dorsey

“The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle office, where…

— Tim Dorsey

“I realize the congressman isn't in. I want you to deliver this message to him personally: Tell him to shut his goddamn mouth!... I…

— Tim Dorsey

A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida. Then it got weird.

— Tim Dorsey

“I smell panic," said Serge. "These are different animals now. They're starting to winnow out the weak at the fringe of the herd. We…

— Tim Dorsey