But instead they tell you they'll come to fix your cable between noon and five, and I say, okay, I'll pay my next bill between July and November, but they don't laugh. — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
...And another item from the growing file of people who voluntarily wear dunce caps... You'll be talking cordially to someone and make an offhand reference, 'I recently read where--' and they'll cut you off and say, 'Oh, I don't read'...… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Your mom's not that bad," said Jim. "Are you trying to make me mad?" "Okay she is." "I knew it. You've never liked her."… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“The last door on the second story was the exception. Fresh gold letters: MAHONEY & ASSOCIATES, PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS. Mahoney sat inside. The only associate… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
Hang on to your dreams with everything you got. Because the best life is when your dreams come true. The second-best is when they… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
The whole family is a bunch of dangerous freaks...Most are ex-cons or junkies or deranged from inbreeding. Five have died violently, three are back… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
But instead they tell you they'll come to fix your cable between noon and five, and I say, okay, I'll pay my next bill… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I can buy a shotgun any time of day without the slightest background check, but if I need something for my sniffles, it’s six… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Do you think heaven's like that? Could be worse, said Serge. You know all those pushy people who keep telling us we're not going… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“Yes, give us books about the psychotic behavior and peripheral weirdness we see all around every day -- and we will laugh in its… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle office, where… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I realize the congressman isn't in. I want you to deliver this message to him personally: Tell him to shut his goddamn mouth!... I… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida. Then it got weird. — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
“I smell panic," said Serge. "These are different animals now. They're starting to winnow out the weak at the fringe of the herd. We… — Tim Dorsey Copy Share Image
