Behaving badly Quote by Susan Forward
““In tandem with the gaslighting techniques is the misogynist's contention that if he's behaving badly, it is only because he is responding to some crime of yours. Such men sincerely and convincingly argue that their outrageous behavior is an understandable reaction to some terrible deficiency or provocation on your part. By doing this, the misogynist avoids having to consider the possibility that he has some serious shortcomings. By shifting the blame to you, he protects himself in two important ways: he absolves himself of the discomfort of recognizing his role in the problem, and he convinces you that your character deficiencies are the real reason why you are having trouble together. Any criticism or questioning of him is immediately turned back on you as further proof of your inadequacies.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, 1989
Misogynists use blame-shifting to avoid responsibility, claiming a partner’s flaws cause their bad behavior, which deflects self‑criticism and manipulates the other.
In simple terms: Men blame women to dodge their own faults.
Key Takeaway
Recognize and call out blame‑shifting.
Themes
misogyny
manipulation
blame
self‑avoidance
Mood
frustrated
defensive
hopeful
Type
advice
psychological
relationship
When to use this quote
- relationship counseling
- support groups
- personal boundaries
- education on abuse
- self‑reflection
Key Concepts
gaslighting
psychological abuse
deflection
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you maintain self‑worth when blamed?
- What steps help expose this pattern?
A Different Perspective
This tactic can also be a sign of deeper insecurity, not just manipulation.
