Bedtime Quote by MaryJanice Davidson

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll…

— Zach Galifianakis

“Didn’t I tell you about her? She stuck her fingers in her vagina and then rubbed the stuff behind her ears. She said it…

— Elizabeth Berg

“I scooted out of the laundry room and skipped down the hallway, arms flaying around my head like one of the hot pink puppets…

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

— Rodney Dangerfield

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming…

— Terry Pratchett

“What would you like to do with my neck?’ I asked. ‘Seduce me with your words. Feel free.”

— James Lusarde

His finger flicked open a button on my cardigan-then two, three, four. It tumbled off my shoulders, leaving me in my camisole. He pushed…

— Becca Fitzpatrick

“Racing up the wide staircase, I barreled through the double doors and smacked right into a brick wall. Stumbling backward, my arms flailed like…

— J. Lynn

“Hey now! I’m the one that had to coddle you when you were crying about having to sleep on the floor!” “I wasn’t crying…

— Jessa L. Gilbert

“I felt her tension lift as soon as my hands went to work. Massaging her upper back, I pressed my thumbs especially hard into…

— Penelope Ward

Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!

— Red Buttons