"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive……" — Johnny Carson

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

— Johnny Carson

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55 Quotes by Johnny Carson

Johnny Carson has 55 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have…
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the…
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you…
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

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More Alive Quotes

This quote is filed under Alive Quotes, one of 4,909 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

There are some four million different kinds of animals and plants in the world. Four million different solutions to the… — David Attenborough
No poet or novelist wishes he were the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were… — Wystan Hugh Auden
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe,… — Marcus Aurelius
I think if we didn't contradict ourselves, it would be awfully boring. It would be tedious to be alive. — Paul Auster
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. — Richard Bach
The Holy Spirit is our comforter, our teacher. That's why, in prayer, we can ask the Lord to open up… — Michele Bachmann
A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and… — Pearl Bailey
It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me… — James A. Baldwin
I tried to keep both arts alive, but the camera won. I found that while the camera does not express… — Ansel Adams
My biggest fear ever is to be involved in a plane crash, so when that happened... well, I'm just thankful… — Travis Barker
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then… — Roseanne Barr
The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I… — Roseanne Barr

See all 4,909 Alive Quotes »