"Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice……" — Jack Handey
"Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
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More Bad Quotes
This quote is filed under Bad Quotes,
one of 14,431 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I went through a phase where I thought nostalgia was a bad thing.
— Dario Argento
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Characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
— Aristophanes
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Bad men are full of repentance.
— Aristotle
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It is the role of good journalism to take on powerful abusers, and when powerful abusers are taken on, there's…
— Julian Assange
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Bad things are not the worst things that can happen to us. Nothing is the worst thing that can happen…
— Richard Bach
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I would not suggest the U.S. should sit down with the North Koreans bilaterally immediately after they've fired missiles -…
— Richard Armitage
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There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there's bad cooking or bad art or bad sex,…
— Karen Armstrong
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If my forgeries looked as bad as the CBS documents, it would have been 'Catch Me In Two Days'.
— Frank Abagnale
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People that go through what I went through and people going through divorce, it's really a difficulty process; it's heartbreaking…
— David Arquette
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If I were to say, 'God, why me?' about the bad things, then I should have said, 'God, why me?'…
— Arthur Ashe
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From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any…
— Isaac Asimov
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The problem with leaderless uprisings taking over is that you don't always know what you get at the other end.…
— Chinua Achebe
See all 14,431 Bad Quotes »