"I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute……" — Jack Handey

"I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!"

— Jack Handey

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397 Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…

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More Anyone Quotes

This quote is filed under Anyone Quotes, one of 10,413 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

You can never guess or assume what anyone is going to think. — J. J. Abrams
Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind. — Aristotle
We had hundreds of thousands of people all dedicated to doing the perfect job, and I think they did about… — Neil Armstrong
Yeah, I wasn't chosen to be first. I was just chosen to command that flight. Circumstance put me in that… — Neil Armstrong
I always think that if you look at anyone in detail, you will have empathy for them because you recognize… — Andrea Arnold
We like to engage in a normal publishing effort, which is to act in a responsible manner and make sure… — Julian Assange
I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. — Francis of Assisi
Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not think it impossible for anyone to accomplish. — Marcus Aurelius
Living with anyone for many years takes skill. To keep peace in the household, couples learn to adapt to one… — Diane Ackerman
Anyone who truly loves God travels securely. — Teresa of Avila
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else… — Richard Bach
Knowing when to leave may be the smartest thing anyone can learn. — Burt Bacharach

See all 10,413 Anyone Quotes »