"I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet……" — Daniel Tosh
"I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not."
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Daniel Tosh
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89 Quotes by Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh has 89 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or…
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I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on…
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if…
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing,…
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing.…
See all 89 quotes by Daniel Tosh »
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