Best Sex Lines

4506 Sex quotes by 2501 unique authors

I have made love to ten thousand women. — Georges Simenon
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my… — Rodney Dangerfield
Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'. — George Carlin
When you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, 'Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing… — Arnold Schwarzenegger
I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line. — Brad Wilkerson
I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria's face is frozen in that puckered position. — Brad Wilkerson
Familiarity breeds contempt, but without a little familiarity it's impossible to breed anything. — Noel Coward
People say to me, 'Danielle, you're such a wonderful person. Why are you single ?' How the hell do I know ? Why don't you… — Unknown Author
The brain is viewed as an appendage of the genital glands. — Carl Jung
They say that dog is man's best friend, and I think it's true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend… — Brad Wilkerson
When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many… — John Glenn
Don't think this has taught me a lesson ! — Tallulah Bankhead
I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by… — Groucho Marx
I don't understand why women get upset when you compare them to one of the monkeys from Planet of the Apes, even one of the… — David James
When God created man and woman, he did not take a patent. That's why any imbecile has been able to do so ever since. — George Bernard Shaw
Whenever my teenage daughter comes down the stairs dressed like a tramp for her date, I think to myself: 'Damn, why won't her mother wear… — David Henry
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying: 'Some nights I don't know why I… — David Henry
Whenever I have a birthday, I think back over the past year, how I've spent my time, what I've accomplished, what regrets I have, how… — Richard M. Weiner
Don't have children: they deform women's bodies and turn into an enemy 20 years later. — Marquis de Sade
Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak. — Brad Wilkerson
As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I'm going to change my last name… — Brad Wilkerson
Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club. — Brad Wilkerson
Girls say they like a sensitive man, but then they complain about my premature ejaculation. — Tom Sims
Before going mountain bike riding, it's a good idea to leave your valuables at home. Your testicles, for example. — Unknown Author
Except for their genitals, I don't know what immutable differences exist between men and women. Perhaps there are some other unchangeable differences; probably there are… — Naomi Weisstein

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