Probably Quotes

6646 quotes by 4230 authors

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see,… — Jack Handey
You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just… — Jack Handey
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. — Jack Handey
When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe. — Jack Handey
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner." — Jack Handey
If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I… — Jack Handey
If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith. — Jack Handey
I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out." But I've never… — Jack Handey
If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of… — Jack Handey
If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because… — Jack Handey
Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S… — Jack Handey
I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little… — Jack Handey
I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could… — Jack Handey
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.… — Jack Handey
I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves. — Jack Handey
If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts… — Jack Handey
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth… — Jack Handey
If you must use more than ten slides to explain your business, you probably don't have a business. — Guy Kawasaki
The truth about myself? I'm obstinate, self-assured, ambitious and sloppy. I think I lead a quite normal life, certainly with five hours of trainig per… — Unknown Author
Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing. — Clement Freud

Who Wrote These Probably Quotes

4,230 authors contributed a total of 6,646 Probably Quotes, led by these top contributors: