Best Hilarious Quotations

489 Hilarious quotes by 372 unique authors

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. — Unknown Author
It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext. — Unknown Author
The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a… — Rachel Vincent
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you. — Mark Twain
If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie. — Ashleigh Brilliant
Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it. — Ashleigh Brilliant
One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to. — Ashleigh Brilliant
Quinn Cummings is a master story-teller and her book is nothing short of delightful. Her insights into topics like celebrity, parenting, and cats with a… — Jen Lancaster
Michael Winter’s fiction is a lot like hearing him talk about his life… harrowing in an after-the-fact hilarious way. Full of wonder and mystery. A… — Unknown Author
Fobbit is fast, razor sharp, and seven kinds of hilarious. Thank you, Mr. Abrams, for the much needed salve--it feels good to finally laugh about… — Jonathan Evison
But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred. — Wayne White
One of the saddest sights to me has always been a human at a keyboard doing something by hand that could be automated. It's sad… — Boris Beizer
That was what made them so hilarious and unafraid. That was the strength of the Nazis. [...] They understood God better than anyone. They knew… — Kurt Vonnegut
My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls… — Noel Fielding
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery. — Paul Lynde
Sexcastle is a perfect mix of homage and comedy, action and irony, loving tribute and hilarious send-up of the great, good, and ungodly-bad action movies… — Matt Fraction
This is hilarious. First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal. Body images… — Jennifer Lawrence
I always say, the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips! — Christie Brinkley
At the Golden Globes, they put all the bigger stars in the front; the movie stars in the front, TV actors in the back. But… — Julianne Moore
I really unfortunately don't have tons of hilarious Sundance stories, because really I am not the biggest fan of hanging out, but the reason why… — Lizzy Caplan
Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I… — Jason Sudeikis
Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious. — Mitch Hedberg
It's just funny that Americans have to contend with 2000 channels, and 60 different specific news sources, and the confusion that it creates, and the… — Adam McKay
I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I want to deny… — Lydia Lunch
I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair — Dolly Parton

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372 authors contributed a total of 489 Hilarious Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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