Best Hilarious Sayings

489 Hilarious quotes by 372 unique authors

LA isn’t a walking city, or a subway city, so if someone isn’t in my house or my car we’ll never be together, not even… — Miranda July
Honestly, I'm one of the ones who is least like my character, just because I like to make people laugh and have a good time-and… — Jacob Artist
Anybody wants to call me the Triple H of Ring of Honor, I think that's hilarious. I would prefer to call Triple H the CM… — CM Punk
In bed watching Family Guy. Love this show.! So hilarious! Stewie is my favorite :) love his accent. — Paris Hilton
All I can say is I've been reading the lips of bleeped-out words, angry baseball players, and stoned-out rock stars on awards shows for years… — Marlee Matlin
I have an oddball sense of humor. So when there was an episode at a comic book convention-of course they end up having Lois dress… — Erica Durance
I learned that you don't have to be all over the place, that you can be subtle and you can say what you say. The… — Mike Epps
People think Chace is gay, and thought I was gay, that we were humping. It’s not true, but hilarious. People project their fantasies onto people.… — Ed Westwick
The word crap is actually another word that's very, very old. It was taken over from 17th century England by the pilgrim fathers and Americans… — Unknown Author
Wesley Stace has always been the only genuinely gifted fiction writer who also happens to be a rock star, but Wonderkid is the book he… — Sam Lipsyte
This thought-provoking novel portrays the absurdity of our overbearing government bureaucracy with a story that is entertaining and fast-paced. The Taxman Cometh will become part… — Grover Norquist
What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or… — Marina Keegan
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it… — Homer
The band name came about when the original vocalist died when a huge radio fell on his head. He trotted about for a while dancing… — Thom Yorke
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. — Steve Martin
My family went on a cruise, and I got a terrible haircut. FYI: Never get your hair cut on a cruise. And I had, like,… — Jennifer Lawrence
Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. — Matt Groening
I find it hilarious when Obama's hand gets caught in the cookie jar — Allen West
The Adderall Diaries is phenomenal. With jittery finesse and a reformed tweaker's eye for detail, Stephen Elliott captures the terrifying, hilarious, heart-strangling reality of a… — Jerry Stahl
First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted… — Zach Braff
Smart, truly hilarious, and entirely sympathetic. Like a hot bubble bath or a holiday at the beach, you won't want it to end. — Cecily von Ziegesar
My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious. — Zach Braff
I loved this smart, funny, big-hearted novel. As hilarious and wise as early Philip Roth, The Mathematician's Shiva will delight and move you. — Steven Strogatz
I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart… — Michael Scott
Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it? — Colson Whitehead

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372 authors contributed a total of 489 Hilarious Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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