Best Hilarious Quotes
489 Hilarious quotes by 372 unique authors
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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
— Nicolas Chamfort
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When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
— Gracie Allen
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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
— Gilbert K. Chesterton
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A friend told me about the casting notice for 'Queer Eye.' I was in Chicago and I had a contract with 'Esquire' magazine, so had…
— Ted Allen
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
— Agatha Christie
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
— Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
— Woody Allen
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I thought Europe was a country?
— Kellie Pickler
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
— Woody Allen
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
— Rita Rudner
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A lot of my hair stylists and my beauty team that I work with are gay so I hang out with gays a lot and…
— Britney Spears
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Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
— Gordon R Dickson
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The only people who make love all the time are liars.
— Louis Jordan
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We have North Shore, Hawaii and Lost all there, so they have softball tournaments between the casts. It's hilarious.
— Josh Holloway
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For years, I always thought it was hilarious that I was this fitness guru, because fitness was just a tool I utilized to help people…
— Jillian Michaels
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Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate, it'll…
— Anna Kendrick
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The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.
— Oswald Chambers
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I'll never forget my 24th birthday when my tooth got punched out. And for a second I was like, it would be really hilarious if…
— Evan Rachel Wood
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It's the originality of Pauls Toutonghi's voice and vision that makes this such a remarkable novel. Toutonghi is a true daredevil of a writer, and…
— Skip Horack
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As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it's hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed…
— Jennifer Lawrence
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I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but I have the coolest dad in the entire world. My dad is hilarious. He’s also…
— Lea Michele
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!!
— Bill Bailey
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Royal Young has accomplished a rare feat in his fresh and riveting debut: he manages to recount his fascinating youth and unconventional family with a…
— Kristen Johnston
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It would be hilarious if I worked in a bowling alley.
— Aubrey Plaza
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Its just I fell into a bunch of movies that kind of fit in my life. It made sense to do them in the 80s.…
— Rick Moranis
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Who Wrote These Hilarious Quotes
372 authors contributed a total of 489 Hilarious Quotes, led by these top contributors: