Gag Quotes
54 quotes by 49 authors
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In the end, everything is a gag.
— Charlie Chaplin
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If men are God's gift to women, then God must really love gag gifts.
— Maya Angelou
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to…
— Jack Handey
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They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you…
— Tracy Morgan
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Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the…
— Kim Cattrall
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I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.
— David Mamet
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If a footballer presents himself as a family man and goes and has sex with a prostitute, should he gag her?
— Nicky Campbell
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In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a patient or as…
— Vincent Canby
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Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you come out you're all covered with leeches. Just say, "Hey, has…
— Jack Handey
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If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, "Congratulations, it's a girl," I think a good gag…
— Jack Handey
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If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just…
— Jack Handey
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I would like to thank the people who encouraged me to draw army cartoons at a time when the gag man's conception of the army…
— Bill Mauldin
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It's a corny old gag about Las Vegas, the temporal city if there ever was one, trying to camouflage the hours and retard the dawn,…
— Michael Herr
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The copy of an ad is merely a punning gag to distract the critical faculties while the image of the product goes to work on…
— Marshall McLuhan
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When the invasion began, the British public was called upon to 'support' troops sent illegally and undemocratically to kill people with whom we had no…
— John Pilger
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If the gag is complicated, you spend more time thinking about the way you're drawing it.
— Sergio Aragones
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The U.S. intelligence community is palsied by lawyers. When we were going to capture Osama bin Laden, for example, the lawyers were more concerned with…
— Michael Scheuer
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I'm a sucker for gag reels and teaser trailers for new seasons. One of the great parts of panels, especially on a show like 'Supernatural,'…
— Jared Padalecki
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Sometimes you have to gag on fancy before you can appreciate plain ...
— Jan Karon
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But it's hard to talk about art. Maybe there should be a law against it, some First Amendment gag order like crying fire in a…
— Stanley Elkin
Who Wrote These Gag Quotes
49 authors contributed a total of 54 Gag Quotes, led by these top contributors: