Best Funny Life Lines
153 Funny Life quotes by 101 unique authors
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I try not to worry about the future - so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.
— Tom Wilson
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Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when…
— Oprah Winfrey
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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
— Natalie Wood
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
— Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
— Henny Youngman
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In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
— Kathleen Norris
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
— Steven Wright
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The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
— Thomas Jefferson
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
— Steven Wright
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
— R. D. Laing
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The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
— Henry David Thoreau
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
— Phyllis Diller
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The gods throw the dice and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not.
— Paulo Coelho
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
— Woody Allen
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The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.
— Frank Zappa
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It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.
— Maureen Johnson
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Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
— Shunryu Suzuki
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A mother is the best friend God ever gave.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
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You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.
— Edgar Guest
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Fools are always right if you think am wrong ask a mad man!
— Nkemjika
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LIFE is not straight, but you can stil make it straight with your pressing IRON haha.....
— Nkemjika
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I need a human size condom, Because life loves to Fu(k me up in the @$$.
— Dustin Barbadillo-aton
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C'mon it can't rain forever nor can the sun shine all day, if it rains forever we would all drown and the sun can't shine…
— Onyeulo Amarachi
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You know how when someone asks why your so weird you dont know what to say. Say ''Now youve got a problem cuz your just…
— Unknown Author
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Who Wrote These Funny Life Quotes
101 authors contributed a total of 153 Funny Life Quotes, led by these top contributors: