Best Funny Life Words
153 Funny Life quotes by 101 unique authors
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You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
— Hunter S. Thompson
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I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.
— Hunter S. Thompson
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Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.
— Hunter S. Thompson
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Life is so unlike theory.
— Anthony Trollope
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
— Mark Twain
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
— Mark Twain
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain
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As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
— Tracey Ullman
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A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.
— Rudolph Valentino
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Life is a zoo in a jungle.
— Peter De Vries
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Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
— William Arthur Ward
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
— Bill Watterson
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God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
— Bill Watterson
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Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
— Bill Watterson
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If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
— Bill Watterson
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Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.
— Bill Watterson
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I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
— Bill Watterson
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If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
— Bill Watterson
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The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
— Bill Watterson
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If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
— Bill Watterson
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I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.
— Oscar Wilde
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
— Oscar Wilde
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Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
— Oscar Wilde
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I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
— Robin Williams
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Reality: What a concept!
— Robin Williams
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Who Wrote These Funny Life Quotes
101 authors contributed a total of 153 Funny Life Quotes, led by these top contributors: