Best Funny Life Sayings
153 Funny Life quotes by 101 unique authors
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I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.
— Mel Brooks
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If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything.
— Arnold Schwarzenegger
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I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out…
— Screamin' Jay Hawkins
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My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a…
— Josh Billings
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Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why…
— Jennifer Aniston
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When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive again when I…
— Ashish Chauhan
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Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.
— Cathy Guisewite
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I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.
— Cathy Guisewite
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Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
— James Bryant Conant
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
— Bill Cosby
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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
— Bill Cosby
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Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
— Bill Cosby
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
— Phyllis Diller
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Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
— Sam Ewing
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We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet.
— Stephen Hawking
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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
— Helen Hayes
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The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
— Robert A. Heinlein
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
— Joseph Heller
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The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
— Alfred Hitchcock
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
— Bob Hope
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The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.
— Karen Horney
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A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.
— Elbert Hubbard
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Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination.
— Christopher Isherwood
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Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
— Hedy Lamarr
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
— Groucho Marx
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Who Wrote These Funny Life Quotes
101 authors contributed a total of 153 Funny Life Quotes, led by these top contributors: