Collards Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

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Lewis Grizzard has 38 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
• On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
• "Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't…
• There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
• Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
• Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy…
• If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
• Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
• There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an…
• Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.
• I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
• In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't…

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