All Tom Lehrer Quotes
- Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you. Careful
- The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and… Ability
- If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God… Commit
- Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers. Base
- Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever… Anyone
- In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.' Front
- I wasn't really a performer by temperament, Inspirational
- You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not… Benign
- Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews. Catholic
- If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one,… All
- But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer. Answer
- In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it . . . research. Call
- Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer. Answer
- Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. But as we go our sordid… Amid
- Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered… All
- Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way. Mathematician
- The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the… All
- If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will. Funny
- I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. Adolescence
- I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to… Almost Anything
- Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to… Add
- Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself at my most… Alas
- There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. Animal
- I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. Ache
- We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares. Activism