"If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide…" — Tom Lehrer

"If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will."

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68 Quotes by Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer has 68 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the…
If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then…
Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to…
In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'
I wasn't really a performer by temperament,
You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I…
Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody…
If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps…
But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the…
In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it…

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More Funny Quotes

This quote is filed under Funny Quotes, one of 52,060 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would… — Hannah Arendt
These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin

See all 52,060 Funny Quotes »